Is your caregiving relationship healthy? Take the test!

Are you taking care of a family member or friend, a senior who has a loss of autonomy?

The role of caregiver can be demanding.

If there are unhealthy behaviours in the relationship, caring for someone can be particularly difficult to live.

On one hand, sadness, frustration and guilt can add to the stress and exhaustion that caregivers often experience and lead to undesirable reactions.

On the other hand, the distress and suffering that the cared-for person experiences can make it hard to regulate his or her emotions. Some illnesses can even cause the person to become angry or to behave aggressively.

Whether or not these actions are intentional, they can have negative consequences on the well-being, confidence and selfesteem of the people involved in the relationship.

What does a healthy relationship look like?

In a healthy relationship, people feel free to express their wishes, needs, opinions and preferences. They appreciate and respect each other’s choices and their differences. They are concerned with
each other’s well-being and are generally kind to each other.

In a healthy relationship, people feel respected and safe.

Our relationships affect all aspects of our lives (work, sleep, mood, etc.). It is important to be aware of their impact to ensure our well-being and that of those closest to us.

What is your relationship like?

This questionnaire will help you determine if your relationship with the person you care for is healthy.

If you are experiencing difficulties, know that we are here to help you.

Is your relationship healthy?

To evaluate the health of your relationship, note the presence of the following elements in your interactions with the person you care for.

Financial aspects

In the relationship, someone:

borrows money without repaying it
 

uses guilt to make the other pay for things
 

decides what can or cannot be bought
 

takes or steals money or belongings
 

threatens to remove inheritance
 

is worried about being thrown out of the house
 

is worried about his or her basic needs no longer being met
 

Emotional and sexual aspects

In the relationship, someone:

refuses to give affection
 

gives or receives affection only Under certain conditions
 

makes inappropriate or unwanted sexual comments
 

asks for or demands sexual acts that the other is uncomfortable with
 

refuses to give affection or to have sexual intimacy in an effort to control the other’s actions or reactions
 

Physical aspects

In the relationship, someone:

threatens to use physical violence
 

uses physical violence (grabs, hits, slaps, pulls hair or clothes, throws things, etc.)
 

prevents the other from leaving or forces the other to go somewhere
 

feels that his or her physical security is threatened
 

is afraid that any of the behaviours mentioned above might happen
 

Verbal and psychological aspects

In the relationship, someone:

criticizes the way the other does things
 

makes accusations or blames
 

insults
 

gives orders
 

makes careless remarks (ex. about appearance, personality)
 

uses threats to control actions or reactions (ex. threats to commit suicide)
 

intentionally ignores the other
 

fails to give recognition, appreciation
 

feels ridiculed or humiliated
 

feels scared
 

is on his or her guard
 

acts with caution
 

feels guilty for not doing enough
 

feels guilty for leaving
 

is prevented from having enjoyment
 

is prevented from taking time for his or herself
 

is worried about standing up for his or herself
 

has diminished self-confidence or self-esteem because of the relationship
 

After having responded to these questions, how do you feel?

If you feel good about your answers:

You are probably in a HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP!

Despite the hardships, you and the person you care for invest time and effort in the relationship.

Your relationship is based on the mutual respect of your feelings and needs.

If you feel uncomfortable with some of your answers:

It is possible that you are in an UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP.

If you would like to discuss this, there are free and confidential resources to help you.

Our team of counsellors can assist you and, if necessary, refer you to resources best adapted to your situation.

This tool is based on YWCA Canada’s “Is Our Relationship Healthy?” pamphlet.

Family caregivers support

The YWCA Montreal offers support services to caregivers of seniors in loss of autonomy, including listening and personalized individual support. In addition, participants can enjoy activities adapted to their needs such as yoga, therapeutic workshops (e.g., using dreams to improve well-being, set limits and find balance) and conferences for everyone (e.g., managing stress and anxiety, navigating the CLSC system, wills and disability protection plans, etc.).

Do you regularly help someone? Find out more about our services.

You can contact us at 514 866-9941, ext. 226 or by completing the form below.